If you're new to Howard's show or you
just aren't
quite sure about one of the players, here's the place to get some background
information on...
Howard Stern And His
Dysfunctional Radio Family....
- The First Radio Family -
Howard Stern; The King Of All Media:
The host and focus of The Howard Stern Show. Howard is known as a "shock
jock" with his top-rated morning radio show syndicated in 37 cities.
Howard has had two previous TV shows, written two best-selling books, a
top-grossing pay-per-view event, released several videotapes including Butt
Bongo Fiesta and a CD with censored bits from the radio show. Howard is
also the most fined man in FCC history. Well over one million dollars in
fines were levied against his employer, Infinity Broadcasting, and the matter
was later settled with a voluntary payment to the US Treasury of $1.7 million.
The motion picture, "Private Parts", based on Howard's first book,
earned $42 million in domestic ticket sales and was a top-ten video rental
after it's release in the Summer of 1997.
Robin
Ophelia Quivers; Missy Quivers:
Howard's African-American co-hostess and news woman. Robin reports, responds
and rebel-rouses. She's been with Howard since his days in Washington, DC.
and can be just as brutal as one of the guys. Robin released her autobiography
a few years back and created a stir with her revelation that as a child,
she was abused by her father, now known on the show as "Ham hands Quivers".
Robin recently bought a horse, which she proudly named "blaze".
About a year later, she bought another horse she lovingly named "Glory".
She rides both of them several times a week as part of her plan to become
a champion rider. Robin's need to get intimate with her new boyfriend Tony,
forced her brush up on the art of oral sex. She searched for oral sex videos
in and around New York City and finally found one which she watched intently
and studied, much to her boyfriend's benefit.
Gary Dell'Abate; Boy Gary, Baba Booey:
Gary started at WNBC in New York as Howard's coffee boy/producer and was
elevated to berating status quickly. First known as Boy Gary, but then later
dubbed Baba Booey after mis-pronouncing the name of a cartoon character,
Baba Louie. Gary was also infamous for his large capped teeth and smelly
breath, until he stopped smoking and had his caps replaced for the third
time. Other than Howard, Gary has the most freedom to do "guy"
things with show especially if it involves woman. Gary too was a victim
of molestation as a child. He was manipulated into manipulating a man's
penis with his hand (job) with the offering of chocolate as his reward for
services rendered.
Fred Norris; Earth Dog, Frightening Fred:
Fred provides some of the best voices for Howard's recorded bits including
Barney from The Andy Griffith Show and Regis Philbin. If Howard decides
to do a song parody, Fred will help write, produce and sing the parody.
When he's not making fun of Jackie Martling, he also runs the commercials
and "paints" with sound effects for show. Fred's marriage to his
wife Allison is now on the road to recovery after she quit her role as the
kissing nun in an off-Broadway play. First dubbed Earthdog and then Frightening
Fred, Fred fends off claims that he's a Martian to this day. Seen below
are Fred, his wife, Allison, with Nancy Siriani and Jackie Martling.
Jackie Martling; The Joke
Man:
Jackie started with Howard by doing "Stump The Joke Man" back
at WNBC. Jackie is a "flying gag writer" and is responsible for
many, but not all, witty things Howard says. Jackie has been described as
both a "gentile Hippie" and a "cheap bastard" all at
the same time. Howard's new book started a new sensation with the birth
of the popular chant, Fuck Jackie! Jackie was the first and is currently
the only member of the show with a web page, jokeland.com.
Jackie's Summer parties out in Bayville, Long Island, have become legendary
with tales of alcohol, pot and wild times, along with his inability to feed
his guests any food.
John Melendez; Stuttering John,
Hero Of The Stupid:
John was an intern who was hired simply because of his stutter. Howard heard
that Gary was interviewing for interns and there was a guy who stuttered.
Howard said to hire him on the spot. John took his internship all the way
to the top with his celebrity interviews and ambushes. John's ignorance
of most topics helped to intensify the interviews, especially if he had
no clue that he was asking something very inappropriate. Recently John and
his girlfriend were married on a beach after
becoming the proud parents of baby girl named Greta.
Steve
Grillo; Gorilla:
Gorilla is an intern who got his job by writing a messed up letter to Gary
begging for the internship. He started as Robin's news intern and now gets
paid for the duty of getting Howard his lunch and anything else that Howard
needs. Steve once shaved his head for over $4000 in cash. He also scored
98 on a recent IQ test, which scores him just under "normal".
Ralph Cirella; Berry Boy, Homo:
Ralph started with the Stern show during the Channel 9 TV show doing Howard's
hair and the special make-up that transformed Howard into Larry King and
Tom Arnold, to name a few. He also is directly responsible for Howard's
new look and the involvement of transsexuals in Howard's book, "Miss
America". He is the most hated of all Howard's first family and was
most likely molested by a priest as a child.
- The Second Family -
Includes some members of Howard's "Wack Pack".
Captain Janks; Tom Cipriano:
The King of the Cranks, Captain Janks, first came on the scene in 1989 with
his "Howard Stern" calls to Larry King. Janks found national prominence
when he got Jerry Lewis to the phone during the 1992 MDA telethon and asked
him about Howard. Imitators followed suit and started a national craze.
Janks is also responsible for harassing the Philly Zookeeper, John DeBella,
and eventually dating his wife before her suicide in 1993. His recent call
to the CP Telethon (which can be heard on his new CD) won him an F-Emmy
this year, while his call to Rosie O'Donnell got him national attention
on Hard Copy and Extra. (Janks is seen in center of
picture with Elephant Boy, left, and Kenneth Keith Kallenbach, right, at
his CD release party.)
Fred The Elephant Boy:
Fred came to the attention of the Stern show when a co-worker called Howard's
show to tell them of his friend who had a bad speech impediment and needed
to get laid. Fred's hard to understand speech and inflection earned him
the "Elephant Boy" title immediately. His glory comes with the
privilege of accepting awards on behalf of Howard and even introducing the
King to the stage at Stern show events. Fred was recently banned from the
show for pulling a scam on Howard, but was later allowed back on the show
after several months in radio oblivion.
Kenneth Keith Kallenbach:
Kenneth's claim to Stern show fame came with his attempts to blow smoke
out of his eyes on the Channel 9 TV show. Eventually he made his way to
the radio show where his catch phrases "yeah!" and "I'm no
wacko" became immortalized. His nomination speech in Albany when Howard
was drafted by the Libertarian party was a high-point for Kenneth and a
low point for the show. Recently Kenneth's been playing music, fighting
with Captain Janks and drinking some beers while producing "The Kenneth
Keith Kallenbach Show" on video.
Crack-head Bob:
Bob, which isn' t his real name but the only one he could pronounce, is
an ex-Crack addict who had a stroke from smoking Crack and is no longer
capable of speaking properly. Bob's popularity with the show has risen recently
due to his pairing with Elephant Boy for a singing duet, his trip to Las
Vegas for an anti-drug rally and for having been orally serviced by Special
Kay. Bob is father of two tids, I mean kids, and so, that's it.
Nicole Bass:
Nicole was part of the 1993 New Year's Eve Pageant and is still involved
in controversy to this day. She is known as the "World's Largest Female
Body Builder", and that's where the problem begins. From the looks
of it, she seems very much like a man. While claiming to have female private
parts and visibly large breasts, which she does admit to being implants,
it's difficult to ignore her manly features.
King Of All Messengers; Chris Giglio:
Chris was one of the first "Janks Imitators" to come on the scene.
With his satellite dish, Messengers was able to get call-in TV shows that
were in areas that Howard's show wasn't. This fact made his calls different
and unique to people who were clueless about what was really going on.
Tempest:
Tempest caught Howard's attention when she sent in a color picture of herself
to the show. Ever since then, she been a favorite to become Howard's new
wife if Alison were to die unexpectedly. Tempest had many appearances on
the Channel 9 show as a Snapple girl and was a big part of the book,"Private
Parts".
Melrose Larry Green; Laurence Greenblatt:
While standing on the corner of Melrose and Vine in Los Angeles almost every
morning with a sandwich board preaching the virtues of Howard Stern, Melrose
Larry Green came to life. Melrose has traveled around the country with his
signs being beaten, arrested and verbally abused while exclaiming "Baba
Booey" to the world. Hated by most fans and Gary, Melrose endures due
to Howard's fascination with him.
Celeste:
Celeste is one of Howard's biggest and most enduring fans. She's been following
the show since Howard's Washington, DC, days. Celeste got Howard's attention
when she told him about having sex with a rival DJ. She also participated
in the first mother/daughter dial-a-date and once showed up Howard's house
on Halloween, causing him to move.
King Of All Song Parodies; David Weinstein:
This kook started calling into the show with his corny song parodies which
resulted in Howard hanging up on him most times. Not to be thwarted, KOASPs
kept trying new song parodies and getting on the air. Eventually he moved
into the phoney phone call forum and made some note worthy calls to K-Rock
General Manager, Tom Chiusano, bloated attorney Dominick Barbara and King
Of All Messengers.
King Of Cable; Matt Harrison:
This under-age phone prankster came to the Stern show with several outrageous
phoney phone calls including a call to the Black Entertainment Television
network where he posed as Spike Lee. He once convinced Larry King to meet
with him and pose for pictures. According to Captain Janks, King Of Cable
is him 5 years ago.
Uzo:
Uzo rose to popularity during the release of Howard's first book, "Private
Parts", for having fainted when she got to met her God at a New York
book signing. Uzo weighs just 95 lbs and most of that is breast. She can
often be found on Prodigy in the Howard Stern chat just about all day long.
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