Updated: December 20, 1997
More Jackie Fans Speak Out!
Jackie Martling's absence from the Stern show
has his fans speaking out. Here's a few new selections on Jackie's situation...
F The Skull of Tom Chiusano
How dare that spineless jackass Tom "I need the money for golfballs"
Chiusano not pay the Jokeman what he's worth. I need to hear Jackie's laughter,
his wit, his writing on the Stern Show. Fred needs to play his laughs during
Robin's newscast. I have come to the decision that I will listen to the
Best of Stern so that I can hear Jackie (unless they've edited him out of
everything), the January 7th debacle that is Scott the Engineer's push ups,
and then, if Jackie is not back for that, that is it. I will no longer listen
to the Howard Stern Show. Even if Jackie comes back, I will find it tough
to return. I might even go listen to Mark & Douchebag out here in L.A.
Screw You, Tom!! You C@#ksucking bastard!!
Kasey Greek - Brea, California
Att: Mr. Tom Chiusano, General Manager
Re: Jackie Martling
Dear Mr. Chiusano:
I'm very disappointed that K-Rock and Jackie Martling haven't been able
to work things out. As you're undoubtedly aware, Jackie is an integral part
of the Howard Stern listening experience. Most Stern Show fans regard the
people connected to the show as a sort of extended family. Therefore, Jackie's
absence is analogous to having a family member suddenly disappear. Besides
which, as good as the Stern Show is -- Jackie's contributions make it even
better. Jackie adds a unique, irreverent, energy to the show that cannot
be duplicated or replaced.
Fortunately, I believe that I have a solution to the financial conditions
that have led to the stalemate between KRock and Jackie. Here's what I suggest:
A) Commercials for Jackie's assorted merchandise probably consume at
least 30 minutes of air time per week. I imagine that this air time could
be sold for approximately $70,000. Better yet -- reduce this commercial
time to 15 minutes and boost revenues by $35,000 per week.
The Stern Show would benefit from a decrease in commercial time. One
of the most frequent listener complaints is that there are too many commercials.
In fact, reducing ad time could lead to increased ratings and in the process
increase revenues per ad. It's a win-win situation.
B) I suggest that a small portion of the revenue generated by selling
Jackie's plug-time be used to increase Jackie's salary -- thereby ending
the stalemate.
As for Jackie's "need-to-plug' -- I believe his interests would
be well served if he were given a mention at the end of the show with the
rest of the cast and crew during "the Plugs" segment that Fred
Norris reads so well.
C) Jackie Martling will probably resist any changes to his on-air mentions.
However, most fans, myself included, believe that Jackie's plugs are too
numerous and annoying. In my opinion, the overabundance of plugs discourage
listeners from purchasing his products.
D) Generally speaking it's a good idea to connect salary increases with
productivity increases. As such, I think Jackie should be required to read
and produce five minutes of commercials per day. (These can be prerecorded
-- of course.) I believe that Jackie-read commercials would be popular with
advertisers. Furthermore, Jackie would probably enjoy doing them -- although
I bet he'll complain about it and try to get extra money.
Mr. Chiusano, Howard is the proverbial goose-that-laid-the-golden-egg.
Therefore, in the interests of commerce and good sense, please give him
the personnel (Jackie) and resources that he needs to effectively continue
his fine work. I hope you can find a way to implement my suggestions. Please
feel free to contact me if you have any questions. Thank you.
Sincerely,
I'm a long-time Stern fan, etc, etc., and
have been going friggin' NUTS about the Jackie situation - I didn't know
what the hell was going on because NO ONE on the show was talking (or I
missed it when they did). Finally, I found your site and have some answers
and the comfort that MANY listeners feel the same way I do that the show
is LAME, FLAT and PAINFUL to listen to without Jackie. What the hell is
the matter with Howard? (I'm venting here, it feels real good). The Jokeman
is a MAJOR player and contributor! The show has fallen and it's so painful
- I mourn this depressing situation more than I did my mother's passing.
Howard and asshole Tom better get their acts together, eat humble pie, and
give Jackie what he wants before the whole empire comes tumbling down! For
chrissakes, Howard, you can't carry the show with just Robin and Fred (though
I love them) - Jackie's contribution was SEVERELY UNDERESTIMATED by Howard,
and many of the listeners (including me, I'm sorry to admit). We want the
Jokeman back! What are we going to do? Is this the beginning of the end
of the greatest show ever? I can tell in Fred's voice that he's treading
water on the show, misses the Jokeman and all the sound effects - he's lost.
- Eva
I have been a Stern Fan since Private
Parts came out all though he has been here in Philadelphia for 11 years.
In that time I have enjoyed the antics of Jackie Martling's ranking on Robin
and Ba Ba Booey. His annoying laugh made me laugh as well, and I am a huge
fan of his Jokeland web site, I also hope to buy his jokebook sometime after
Christmas . Since Jackie's departure the show has been missing something.
Howard said he used 95% of Jackie's suggestions and now I know why. He was
the glue of that show. I think Tom should fork over the money and keep that
group together. If Jackie does not return I will have to start searching
for a new show to entertain me in the morning. I do not believe the show
will last untill 1999 without "The Jokeman." Well, just my two
cents... JOKEMAN FOREVER!!!! - Chuck
A World Without Jackie
I woke this morning to the sound of "Hoo Hoo" wafting in from
the kitchen radio but it was just a recent promo for Jackie's new book.
A bit of irony before coffee and a lackluster Stern show. For there will
be no more live or canned laughter from the Joke Man. And in his absence,
the silence shouts, as the bits and pieces of Jackie Martling are swept
under Howard's feet.
It's all gone. There is no more beer or pot or marshmallows. It's the
end of Baba Booey-Busting, lobsters and a jetty that floats in the bay.
On this morning of expendable absence, as the coffee chills quietly in my
Joke Man cup, I am reminded of everything Martling. And I will never forget.
Jackie can't be replaced or paved over or fade away. He is as much a
player in the Stern Show as Howard or Robin. But as much as I'd like to
think that Jackie will be back, I know the politics of the situation. Therefore,
I can only say goodbye to the world's funniest man, on this gray morning
without laughter.
Alan Guiden
Dear Mr. Chiusano, I have been a Stern
show fan for the last 4 years, listening faithfully ever since Howard was
brought to KOME and the San Jose/ Bay Area market.
Since I have been listening, both the number and frequency of commercials
has dramatically increased. The show has also more than doubled the number
of markets which it received.
Like many other listeners, I am concerned about the Jackie Martling
situation. Being a bystander, I do not know the actual events that transpired
in Mr. Martling's contract negotiations. With the incredible success of
the Howard Stern Show, I am sure that money cannot be the only issue involved
in Mr. Martling's contract dispute . I hope that whatever the issue with
CBS, Mr. Martling and yourself can be resolved in a timely manner.
I was saddened when Billie West left the show. His bits with the puppets
are legendary. But Billie was just a bit player. The loss of Jackie, on
the other hand, the lead writer for Howard is inexcusable. What happens
when Robin Quivers' contract stalls. Will she be treated in the same manner?
What about Fred Norris? Gary Dell'Abate? These people are a team. The show
has been flat in Jackie's absence, and can only continue to decline. I am
sure that you, Mr. Chiusano, will do your best to bring Jackie back to the
show.
Thank You - Erik Bergstrom
I've been a big fan of the show ever since they brought
it to South Florida. I suffered greatly when they canned Billy West; for
me the show hasn't truly been the same. But if Jackie is gone, the show
is truly in the crapper for good. The last couple of shows have been truly
lame. I can't listen to Robin's morbid newscast without the Jokeman's trademark
laughs. BRING BACK JACKIE!
The Beatles have lost Ringo over money. It may sound
ludicrous, but that is what happened with the Stern show. Our beloved comic
prince, who makes the show funny, is no longer with the show. It's really
sad - makes me want to listen to Mark and Brian again. As great as everyone
is, Eric Norris' background laugh is grating. The show is suffering. - Rosie
-
Sung to the tune "Freer est Jacque, Dormez-Vous?"
"Ou est le Jokeman?" (Where is Jackie?)
Ou est le Jokeman? Ou est le Jokeman? Aujourd hui. Aujourd hui.
Questque c,est un Marting? Questque c,est un Martling?
Ring-Dong-Ding. Ring-Dong-Ding.
Voulez-vous couchez avec Nancy? Voulez-vous couchez avec Nancy?
Jacque Martling. Jacque Martling.
Howard Stern embrasse moi! Howard Stern embrasse moi!
Ring-Dong-Ding. Ring-Dong-Ding.
Robin sur la table. Robin sur la table.
Maintenant! Maintenant!
Ou est la plume de Jacque? Ou est la plume de Jacque?
Ring-Dong-Ding. Ring-Dong-Ding.
Parlez-vous Francais, Jackie?
Parlez-vous Francais, Jackie?
Nicknack l,homme. Nicknack l,homme.
Canada mangez fromage. Canada mangez fromage.
Ring-Dong-Ding. Ring-Dong-Ding.
Bababooey c,est tres jollie. Bababooey c,est tres jollie.
Ou lá-lá. Ou lá-lá.
Jacque Martling departee. Jacque Martling departee
Ring-Dong-Ding. Ring-Dong-Ding.
By Ring-Ding Dan
I've been listening to the show for 11 years or so, since
right before Jackie joined. Lately I've been feeling a little pathetic for
having to listen to a tape of the show every day after work. I feel like
an addict even though I enjoy it immensely (though not as much as a few
years ago...).
I've come to a decision:
If it really turns out that Jackie is gone from the show, I'll call
it quits too. It isn't that Jackie made the show single handed (though he
IS an integral part), but if Howard is really just going to let this happen
while pretending nothing has changed, ala Billy, then he's REALLY a bullshit
artist, and I have no more respect for him. I'll miss the show for awhile,
but it's been getting tired anyway. Howard's not hungry anymore-- he makes
no pretense about towing the line with the FCC-- in short the show's not
what it was.
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