Dateline: November 27, 1996 - 6PM -
Cirella Suspected Of Bone Smuggling!
After years of speculation as to whether Howard's pal and
confidant, Ralph Cirella, was either gay or bisexual, the answer may have
come from a lie detector test that he took on the show one day back in
November.
It all started when Ralph's friend and cross-dresser, Danna, suggested
to Howard that Ralph was bisexual. Wanting to put the matter to rest, Howard
convinced Ralph to take a lie detector test live on the air. Initially
Ralph was reluctant to take the test but after he, as Howard put it, "fleeced"
several people on the show for some cold cash ($2700), he agreed to answer
the questions.
With Ralph hooked up to the lie detector in another room, Howard fed
questions, some pointed and some goofy, to Ed the lie detection expert
who then asked them to Ralph. Some of the questions included: Do you like
the smell of doodie? - Are you gay? - Are you bi? - Do you find Brad Pitt
attractive?
After close to ten minutes of questioning, the test was over. Ed then
examined the polygraph results for several minutes and announced his results.
"OJ scored a -22, Ralph scored a -53," Ed said as the room erupted
into cheers and jeers of disbelief. "I'm
not gay and I'm not bi," Ralph insisted. According to Ed,
Ralph lied on most of his answers. As for Howard, he was in total denial
about the results, even going as far as demanding a retest. "I
can't believe you're a fag!" Howard said to Ralph in disbelief.
There were several side bets with mostly everyone betting that Ralph
was gay or bi, with the exception of Howard, who was the big money loser
of the day with $700 lost on Rectal Ralph.
As Christmas rolled around, Ralph had agreed to another test, but then
suddenly backed out citing not wanting to have the results looming over
his head for the holidays.
Hopefully for Ralph, the new year will bring another lie detector test
and an AIDS test as well.
©1996 The K.O.A.M. Newsletter. All Rights Reserved.
